Why Finding An Agent Should Be More Like A Disney Movie

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Disney, give me a Miyazaki fairy tale any day, but as I continue to search for an agent, I've found myself thinking: This would be a lot more fun if finding an agent was like a Disney movie. Think of the possibilities:

1. The Happy Ending. Every Disney movie has a happy ending. Beauty saves the Beast, Simba defeats Scar, Prince Charming rescues Snow White and she goes off to college to study medicine (I'm pretty sure that last part happened), so if finding an agent was more like a Disney movie, then we'd all find the perfect agent at the end.

2. Singing, talking animals. Who couldn't use their very own singing, talking furry friend to help them in their search for an agent? No, not THOSE furry friends that sit themselves in front of the computer screen when you're in the middle of a scene or chew on your submissions.


I'm talking about the type of furry friend you'll only find in a Disney movie: Mice who will sweep your floors and do your dishes while you work on your query, birds who'll tell you your manuscript is wonderful when you get rejected. But make sure your little furry friends don't get any bright ideas and carry your manuscript over to an agent's house and leave it on their pillow, because that stuff doesn't fly with agents.


3. The songs! Searching for an agent has its high and lows, so if you're going to have the happy ending and the talking animals, you might as well get your own soundtrack. Potential song ideas include, "A Whole New (Literary) World," "I'll Make A Writer Out of You," and "One Day My Agent Will Come."

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to try to teach my beagle how to sing and dance while I send out more queries.