Anyways, I decided not to submit the query to Nathan Bransford's Agent for a Day contest, as I'm still working on it and it looks like he already received plenty of submissions, but I will continue to post the query as it evolves.
Here's my first attempt at it, pulling together all the 'ingredients' I listed in the post below.
Fifteen hundred years ago, Camelot fell, torn apart by adultery, bloodshed, and the treachery of Mordred. Now the Knights of the Round Table have returned, reincarnated as New Jersey teens, and if they don’t discover their pasts and join together, there’ll be no future, not for them, not for anyone.
Someone is kidnapping and murdering the best and the brightest teens from across New Jersey: Star athletes, honor students, local heroes. When Justine Kwiatkowski’s best friend Gwen goes missing in the town of Avalon, she fears the worst, that her friend and partner in crime, a straight ‘A’ student who dreams of being a cardiac surgeon one day, has become the latest victim.
Luckily for Gwen and unfortunately for the killer, Justine’s determined to rescue her before it’s too late. Stubborn, pushy, and fearless, Justine finds herself surrounded by would-be allies in her quest to find her friend. There’s Gwen’s boyfriend, the loner from the wrong side of the tracks who blames himself for bloodshed that happened over a thousand years before he was born, the self-professed drama nerd whose only fighting experience is in West Side Story but finds herself able to take down a champion blackbelt with ease, the troubled artist who obsessively paints images of a golden cup, and the star football tackle who only wants two things in life, a giant battle axe and to protect his family from his abusive father.
If Justine can find a way to bring these kids together and settle some very old scores, she’ll not just rescue Gwen, she just might save the world.
Knights of Avalon, a YA Urban Fantasy, is complete at _______ (still writing it, so I don't know yet!). If interested, the partial or full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your consideration!
I'll let the query sit for a while and then come back to look at it with fresh eyes. I think there's definitely more to be done to let the main character's personality shine through and some tightening of language I can do as well.