Contest Alert

Looking for a critique? Looking for an agent? Looking for a critique from an agent? Then do I have the contest for you.

Author Shelley Watters is hosting a Made of Awesome first page contest on her blog, judged by the completely bad-ass Judith Engracia of Liza Dawson Associates. I don't usually use that term, but Judith has a Siberian Husky named Grendel, does martial arts, and graduated summa cum laude from Fordham University with a B.A. in English and History. Oh yeah, and she did it on a full presidential scholarship. I mean, it's not every day you read a literary agent's bio and ask yourself, "If my MC Justine and this literary agent got in a fight, who would win?" Let's see, both Justine and Judith have martial arts training, but Justine does happen to wield Excalibur. Judith probably doesn't have a magic sword. Then again, Justine doesn't have a Siberian Husky named Grendel, who quite possibly has magical powers, and who may or may not transform into a fierce fighting companion the way Battlecat did in He-Man. So let's call it a draw.

Anyways, the point is: Awesome contest, ends today, May 31, so enter now. First-place winner will win a 10-page critique and the way these contests usually work, Judith may ask to look at the runner-ups' work as well. So, you know, enter! Now!

Up to No Good

Hello! Good afternoon! I'm still hanging in there! Here's the latest: I did get a very kind rejection from the agent I mentioned in the earlier posts, but it was the most complimentary rejection I've ever received, so maybe I'm making some progress. I do have other people looking at the manuscript that I'm very excited about, so we'll see, hopefully I can one day find that agent who loves my work and is a good match.

In the mean time, I think I'm going to busy myself by writing another mock query letter. And I'll probably start work soon on the sequel to Knights of Avalon. The book's main character, Justine, is very pushy and has been bugging me to get started. Yeah, my characters have minds of their own, and they talk to me.

Why I Need an Agent

I get asked on occasion if I'd like to work with an agent. This is sort of like being asked if I'd like to work with a pretty, sparkly unicorn. Sure, I'd love to work with a pretty, sparkly unicorn, especially one that was good at contract negotiations, but I don't know if I can find a pretty, sparkly unicorn.

I've also had it pointed out to me that writers don't need agents to get published. This is true. That said, I need an agent. And here's a little hypothetical scenario to show you why:

Publishing House: O hai there! We love your story about a beagle who's secretly a ninja, fighting to save the world, and we'd like to offer you a two-book deal.

Me: Oh wow oh wow oh wow! Where do I sign?

Publishing House: Here, you can use this bottle of red ink. Just sign on the dotted line.

Me: Wait a minute. That's not ink, that's blood! And Paragraph 18(b), right under the part about electronic rights, says I'm selling my soul! And there's nothing in here about payment.

Publishing House: We're glad that you asked about payment. In return for us giving you a two-book deal, we are prepared to give you this here Slurpee, cold and refreshing, along with this piece of string and a brand new paper clip.

Me: Paper clip. Oooh, shiny. (bats at the paper clip, taking a sip of the Slurpee) Deal!

The Truth About Agents, Revealed!

If you haven't already, I highly recommend you read Jessica Faust's recent post titled, "Agents Aren't the Enemy."

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying to yourself, "Wow, that Jessica Faust person sure is reasonable and fair-minded, patient and kind. She probably rescues kittens out of trees and travels to foreign countries to help orphans in her free time."

Don't be fooled my fellow writers! I link to her post to show you just how devious these agents can be. Let the truth set you free! We have nothing to lose but our royalty checks! Don't let these agents, with their free advice, and taking time out of their busy schedules to answer questions they've already been asked over a hundred times, lure you into a false sense of security. Because I'm here to tell you right now: Agents feast on the tears of rejected writers. That and massive doses of caffeine.

They do.

We now take you to the agents' evil lair under the IHOP in Queens.



"What do we have here? The writer claims this
revolutionary literary fiction about a frustrated
writer who travels to Alaska to find himself, only
to get bitten by a vampire and become an undead
nature documentary filmmaker, will be the next
Twilight. And you know what, it surely would be!
Especially with all the basic spelling and grammar
errors, those really give the manuscript an authentic feel.
Hah! Who needs to earn a living? Let us crush this
writer's precious dreams underfoot."



"Ah, the distilled tears of a frustrated writer, mixed
with some pomegranate juice. I feel my power growing
already. Nom nom nom."



"So, now that we're done fostering mediocrity and
stifling the creativity of unappreciated literary
geniuses, who do you think is going to win America's
Next Top Model?"